I'm grappling with how to take it. As with some Nam vets, there's embarrassment at being alive. After all the drama, I should be dead. But the most recent comment on Wahnfried is, "Welcome news it is. Rock on!" I have to smile and say, "YESSS!"
Tears are close. I was there vicariously as She-of-the-Capri prepared to go. Once there, her photos at Dinosaur and Echo Park brought memories of our time together.
The Reed
Last night, as the the day's intensity sank in, I realized I'm beyond the four-year statistic of the second heart attack. 50% of those who experience an MI (myocardial infarction) have another within that time; there's usually not a third.
I've been granted a reprieve....or, at least, a stay of execution; it's overwhelming.
Each time I asked, and over the 30-minute interview I managed it thrice, Adam said infarctions are unpredictable; they can happen at any time. He told of a runner whose came the next day, when he was resting. It's like limbo, but we're all susceptible; we're all "dying." Serious illness elicits an acute awareness.
The best part was when he asked if I had any inclination toward depression or self harm. After nearly a lifetime of suicidal ideation and several attempts, the "No" came easily and was followed by resoundingly affirming enthusiasm; not an iota of dejection. She brought the years of work to fruition. And the tears...of relief and happiness flow.
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