The Changed Self

Watching the stock ticker climb. I fell from 253.53, or thereabouts. Buying one share at a time, the lowest was $206.83. 

                    🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑


I "zero out" my account to $4,000.00 at the end of each month, or as soon thereafter as I close out any positions. It makes it easy to see how I've done. This month is $540.00 short as I transferred that amount to checking at mid-month.

This was a few dollars higher a few minutes ago. SOXL, as a 3x ETF, is highly volatile. It's early in the day and if I sold now my cash wouldn't "settle" soon enough for me to trade again until Monday; a limitation of low-budget trading.

But then....

From: Where the Wastleand Ends by Theodore Roszak.

Mon.1.June

Closed positions on SOXL & TQQQ this morning w reasonable profit. Goal is $20,000.00/day = $400,000.00/mo = $4.8M a year.

Cicadas & Scotties

 

It's a Jungian Thing

 

Carl Jung is credited with coining the term "serendipity." The scientists and card-counters'll tell you about odds, but I’ve seen too many “coincidences” to believe in happenstance.

Back in 2020 when hoarding toilet paper was de rigueur, I bought a bidet. It didn’t come with a dryer so I had to get used to a slight dampness “back there.” But it was no biggee.  

Now, after these five-plus years and having gained even more weight (actually, my arms shrank but that’s not politically correct), it’s gotten hard for me to reach my bum.

Back when I was camping I simply poured water over my backside in the manner of other peoples throughout the world. As it turned out, there was, serendipitously, a second, hand-held shower with a hose.

But the diverter wouldn’t turn. It was then our German-named Native-American housekeeper, Wilhelmina, came to the rescue.

She told how as a young girl the children had teased her about her name until she, crying, asked her mom for a different one. She told how her Grandfather took her aside and told how she was named for his mother’s mother, who was a very special woman. And from that, she knew how much she was appreciated.

Proud of my German heritage, I explained how the W (double-u) is pronounced as a V in German. Thus, we have Volksvagon and Verner Heisenburg and Vilhelmina. And Vilhelmina got Maintenance to come and turn the diverter. She said there were only two other rooms that have hoses: 116 and 121.

It's things like this, things not necessarily life-saving but that make a difference, that incline me to believe in serendipity…and maybe guardian angels.

Homeward Bound

I, my new wife and daughter, then 4 1/2, arrived from Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio in the summer of '76. Since then i'd driven west and back enough to recognize nearly every view and certainly every campsite of which there are only two or three. 

Laguna Pueblo sits perched on a hill overlooking the Rio San Jose - which actually had some water in it. Once an idyllic setting, interstate 40 now lends its presence, a testament to technological superiority.

Nearing Laguna

In the '90s there was a food truck at Laguna that had the best mutton burritos, a delicacy i never chanced upon in either Chicago or San Francisco. Now Laguna touts their burger; it's a White man's food. I've yet to try it.

La Posada

Ms. Cook

Patio Rooms are booked months in advance. Thus, when the front desk clerk said they'd had a cancellation, i knew we had to go. They're on a side where few people go so aside from the next-door neighbors, it's quiet.

A cat, with ears back. Snnnnaaaaaa!

Arrival in Winslow

We had a number of delays so missed our dinner reservation. Fortunately, I packed some leftover chicken, cheese and lettuce. We didn't starve.

Lower Level Coach

When we got there though, the sidewalk was being redone and was really rough. Fortunately, Ron, standing in the dark ahead of us, had a flashlight and came back to rescue us.

Andrea's Yard

Last summer i planted some cantaloupe. It was so phenomenally better than the stores' i ordered some melon & corn seeds from the seed bank in Arizona. 

When i ran out of room i went across the street and asked Andrea, who i'd never met before, if i could plant in her yard. She said yes!

This is a blue collar neighborhood. After a day of work, single women have no interest in landscaping. Andrea's 16-year-old son is too busy. She was willing to let me have at it. I made the sticks out of paint stirrers from Michelle's collection. Artists collect everything. 

Wishful Thinking

  Moose's eyes say it all.

The Cholla

 

Ladybug Butt, Danielle & Dr Hawk

 

In the apache plume

It was time to get some expert assistance. I called Death Doula, Danielle Slupesky. Fortunately, she had an opening. We, Michelle, Danielle and I met for an hour and 45 yesterday evening. Dr Hawk, Hospice Physician and MAID officiator, joined us briefly by phone. 

Danielle is phenomenal!! Hawk is amazing!! Michelle and I are The Nutria Squidges...incomparable!!! I gotta find a way to post the recording.

Cinco de Mayo

I confused Cinco de Mayo w Dia De Los Muertos. So, never mind. (It's the morphine)

For the last couple of days I've had trouble breathing. I took a bunch of meds and when Michelle came in at 3:30 a.m. to check on me she couldn't wake me. I was snoring though, so she knew I was still here.

At some point i awoke to a sopping bed, as if i'd dumped a bottle. When i pulled off the oxygen mask, drops of sweat went flying. I got up and changed the washable incontinence pads Jessica gave me last week and went back to sleep. 

At 6 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of drowning. No matter how much air i sucked, it wasn't enough! I got a mono-nitrate (for angina) & some ondansetron (anti-nausea) down and .75 ml of morphine (good 4 whut ails yuh) in grape kool-aid. (Don't forget the cap and a quarter of "lax" tuh keep things regular.)

I added a Guaifenesin (600mg) to clear the congestion in my throat and took 1/2 a clonazapam to ease the nervous-in-the-service anxiety (it doesn't make me aggressive the way lorazapam does), rolled a spliff & sat back to wait.

Jessica came yesterday. She'd been to another estate sale where, she said, they were practically throwing stuff at people. I think she paid $5 for this $101.46 (from Home Despot) tea kettle.

When she saw it, she said, she thought of me.

IA couple of years ago, when even a sip of cawfee became too much, I switched to tea. She'd noticed the heirloom pots atop the cabinets.

Handed down from Michelle's grandmother, I guess she figured I could do w one of my own.

I gave her a copy of Earth Power Coming, edited by Simon Ortiz.

I got my first copy of EPC from Anna Lee Walters. Her story The Warriors is in it.

We met at a conference many years ago when she was director of the Navajo Community College Press.

I was a wet-behind-the-ears Marketing Analyst for UNM Press and she was kind to me. Not that others weren't, but this is academia. I only had a masters and everyone else had their PhD.

Simon attended the same high school as Jessica, in Grants. If you've ever been to Grants you'd know it's amazing they both survived. There's nothing to do in Grants but get drunk & roll your car. Very few live past 10th grade; median age is 7. If it weren't for the promiscuity, the town'd die out.

So, i emailed Dr. Hawk & Jessica i was ready. I transferred everything from Webull, the trading platform, over to checking, emailed Steve, brother-in-law i was checking out; even accosted Andrea, neighbor who let me plant corn & melons next to her driveway and told her i was gonna do the MAID. (Sort of like the boogaloo, but more lasting.)

We held each other, Michelle and I, on the bed and cried. Parting may be sweet sorrow, but leaving is devastating.

I talked w Kristen. She was atop the mtn at Chiricahua Ntl Monument.

For stories we read three of the Holban's Frances books: Bread & Jam, Best Friends and Gloria's (baby sister) Birthday.

This morning, at 3:30, i awoke to a miracle. Try as i might, i couldn't have trouble breathing. I have no symptoms...none. I was inclined to run around the golf course. Instead, i admired the tea kettle and made cawfee...w cream. 

At 5 Michelle came and we did the morphine, rectally.

The oral route was causing day-long nausea, but after 5 days, Rosebud needed a break. Even tho i only take it every 24 hours, i only got a couple hours respite, at the end, from the nausea. Rectal has its own issues incl a bitter taste in my mouth that no amt of toothbrushing will erase. The pink isn't as bad. When i asked about upping the fentanyl the nurse said it's for pain; the morph is for everything else. "Take the morph," she said.

Rosebud wasn't really happy, but he cooperated.

As i was having breakfast i noticed the light.

Now, at 7:30, imma try and sleep abit more. 

Kristen & Edmond's Visit

It's a whirlwind tour. Leaving from Atascadero, California, driving to Durango to pick up the trailer, then south to Ghost Ranch near Abiquiu, New Mexico for a five-day workshop on clay...with materials sourced from the nearby hills and arroyos.

A stop for brunch at Denny's in Albert's Turkey. Thence to Cruces to visit family and on into the semi-wilds of eastern Arizona's Cochise Stronghold and Chiricahua Ntl Monument. Eventually back to Rancho Mirage, a suburb of Palm Springs.

The Apache Plume provide a nice buffer from the street.

Kristen checks out the red & black corn poppies as Edmond gives me a tour of the Alto.

AI Portrait

The topic of "we" came up. I can't remember when I started thinking of myself as the royale We, but here I am....w a nod to AI.

Best Month So Far

For the time being, I'm limiting my trading amount to $4,000.00. Depending on whether I'm in the midst of a trade, i try and close out everything at the end of the month & transfer any above the $4k to checking. It's not always possible, but this month worked out nicely.