It's a Jungian Thing

 

Carl Jung is credited with coining the term "serendipity." The scientists and card-counters'll tell you about odds, but I’ve seen too many “coincidences” to believe in happenstance.

Back in 2020 when hoarding toilet paper was de rigueur, I bought a bidet. It didn’t come with a dryer so I had to get used to a slight dampness “back there.” But it was no biggee.  

Now, after these five-plus years and having gained even more weight (actually, my arms shrank but that’s not politically correct), it’s gotten hard for me to reach my bum.

Back when I was camping I simply poured water over my backside in the manner of other peoples throughout the world. As it turned out, there was, serendipitously, a second, hand-held shower with a hose.

But the diverter wouldn’t turn. It was then our German-named Native-American housekeeper, Wilhelmina, came to the rescue.

She told how as a young girl the children had teased her about her name until she, crying, asked her mom for a different one. She told how her Grandfather took her aside and told how she was named for his mother’s mother, who was a very special woman. And from that, she knew how much she was appreciated.

Proud of my German heritage, I explained how the W (double-u) is pronounced as a V in German. Thus, we have Volksvagon and Verner Heisenburg and Vilhelmina. And Vilhelmina got Maintenance to come and turn the diverter. She said there were only two other rooms that have hoses: 116 and 121.

It's things like this, things not necessarily life-saving but that make a difference, that incline me to believe in serendipity…and maybe guardian angels.

Homeward Bound

I, my new wife and daughter, then 4 1/2, arrived from Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio in the summer of '76. Since then i'd driven west and back enough to recognize nearly every view and certainly every campsite of which there are only two or three. 

Laguna Pueblo sits perched on a hill overlooking the Rio San Jose - which actually had some water in it. Once an idyllic setting, interstate 40 now lends its presence, a testament to technological superiority.

Nearing Laguna

In the '90s there was a food truck at Laguna that had the best mutton burritos, a delicacy i never chanced upon in either Chicago or San Francisco. Now Laguna touts their burger; it's a White man's food. I've yet to try it.

La Posada

Ms. Cook

Patio Rooms are booked months in advance. Thus, when the front desk clerk said they'd had a cancellation, i knew we had to go. They're on a side where few people go so aside from the next-door neighbors, it's quiet.

A cat, with ears back. Snnnnaaaaaa!

Arrival in Winslow

We had a number of delays so missed our dinner reservation. Fortunately, I packed some leftover chicken, cheese and lettuce. We didn't starve.

Lower Level Coach

When we got there though, the sidewalk was being redone and was really rough. Fortunately, Ron, standing in the dark ahead of us, had a flashlight and came back to rescue us.

Andrea's Yard

Last summer i planted some cantaloupe. It was so phenomenally better than the stores' i ordered some melon & corn seeds from the seed bank in Arizona. 

When i ran out of room i went across the street and asked Andrea, who i'd never met before, if i could plant in her yard. She said yes!

This is a blue collar neighborhood. After a day of work, single women have no interest in landscaping. Andrea's 16-year-old son is too busy. She was willing to let me have at it. I made the sticks out of paint stirrers from Michelle's collection. Artists collect everything. 

Wishful Thinking

  Moose's eyes say it all.

The Cholla

 

Ladybug Butt, Danielle & Dr Hawk

 

In the apache plume

It was time to get some expert assistance. I called Death Doula, Danielle Slupesky. Fortunately, she had an opening. We, Michelle, Danielle and I met for an hour and 45 yesterday evening. Dr Hawk, Hospice Physician and MAID officiator, joined us briefly by phone. 

Danielle is phenomenal!! Hawk is amazing!! Michelle and I are The Nutria Squidges...incomparable!!! I gotta find a way to post the recording.

Cinco de Mayo

I confused Cinco de Mayo w Dia De Los Muertos. So, never mind. (It's the morphine)

For the last couple of days I've had trouble breathing. I took a bunch of meds and when Michelle came in at 3:30 a.m. to check on me she couldn't wake me. I was snoring though, so she knew I was still here.

At some point i awoke to a sopping bed, as if i'd dumped a bottle. When i pulled off the oxygen mask, drops of sweat went flying. I got up and changed the washable incontinence pads Jessica gave me last week and went back to sleep. 

At 6 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of drowning. No matter how much air i sucked, it wasn't enough! I got a mono-nitrate (for angina) & some ondansetron (anti-nausea) down and .75 ml of morphine (good 4 whut ails yuh) in grape kool-aid. (Don't forget the cap and a quarter of "lax" tuh keep things regular.)

I added a Guaifenesin (600mg) to clear the congestion in my throat and took 1/2 a clonazapam to ease the nervous-in-the-service anxiety (it doesn't make me aggressive the way lorazapam does), rolled a spliff & sat back to wait.

Jessica came yesterday. She'd been to another estate sale where, she said, they were practically throwing stuff at people. I think she paid $5 for this $101.46 (from Home Despot) tea kettle.

When she saw it, she said, she thought of me.

IA couple of years ago, when even a sip of cawfee became too much, I switched to tea. She'd noticed the heirloom pots atop the cabinets.

Handed down from Michelle's grandmother, I guess she figured I could do w one of my own.

I gave her a copy of Earth Power Coming, edited by Simon Ortiz.

I got my first copy of EPC from Anna Lee Walters. Her story The Warriors is in it.

We met at a conference many years ago when she was director of the Navajo Community College Press.

I was a wet-behind-the-ears Marketing Analyst for UNM Press and she was kind to me. Not that others weren't, but this is academia. I only had a masters and everyone else had their PhD.

Simon attended the same high school as Jessica, in Grants. If you've ever been to Grants you'd know it's amazing they both survived. There's nothing to do in Grants but get drunk & roll your car. Very few live past 10th grade; median age is 7. If it weren't for the promiscuity, the town'd die out.

So, i emailed Dr. Hawk & Jessica i was ready. I transferred everything from Webull, the trading platform, over to checking, emailed Steve, brother-in-law i was checking out; even accosted Andrea, neighbor who let me plant corn & melons next to her driveway and told her i was gonna do the MAID. (Sort of like the boogaloo, but more lasting.)

We held each other, Michelle and I, on the bed and cried. Parting may be sweet sorrow, but leaving is devastating.

I talked w Kristen. She was atop the mtn at Chiricahua Ntl Monument.

For stories we read three of the Holban's Frances books: Bread & Jam, Best Friends and Gloria's (baby sister) Birthday.

This morning, at 3:30, i awoke to a miracle. Try as i might, i couldn't have trouble breathing. I have no symptoms...none. I was inclined to run around the golf course. Instead, i admired the tea kettle and made cawfee...w cream. 

At 5 Michelle came and we did the morphine, rectally.

The oral route was causing day-long nausea, but after 5 days, Rosebud needed a break. Even tho i only take it every 24 hours, i only got a couple hours respite, at the end, from the nausea. Rectal has its own issues incl a bitter taste in my mouth that no amt of toothbrushing will erase. The pink isn't as bad. When i asked about upping the fentanyl the nurse said it's for pain; the morph is for everything else. "Take the morph," she said.

Rosebud wasn't really happy, but he cooperated.

As i was having breakfast i noticed the light.

Now, at 7:30, imma try and sleep abit more. 

Kristen & Edmond's Visit

It's a whirlwind tour. Leaving from Atascadero, California, driving to Durango to pick up the trailer, then south to Ghost Ranch near Abiquiu, New Mexico for a five-day workshop on clay...with materials sourced from the nearby hills and arroyos.

A stop for brunch at Denny's in Albert's Turkey. Thence to Cruces to visit family and on into the semi-wilds of eastern Arizona's Cochise Stronghold and Chiricahua Ntl Monument. Eventually back to Rancho Mirage, a suburb of Palm Springs.

The Apache Plume provide a nice buffer from the street.

Kristen checks out the red & black corn poppies as Edmond gives me a tour of the Alto.

AI Portrait

The topic of "we" came up. I can't remember when I started thinking of myself as the royale We, but here I am....w a nod to AI.

Best Month So Far

For the time being, I'm limiting my trading amount to $4,000.00. Depending on whether I'm in the midst of a trade, i try and close out everything at the end of the month & transfer any above the $4k to checking. It's not always possible, but this month worked out nicely.

Opera Basics - Mozart's The Magic Flute

As part of their efforts to entice more attendendees (and appreciation), the Santa Fe Opera offers informative lectures on the season's repertoire.

They're, the lectures (it's plural so it's THERE'RE, not there's), in the Presbyterian Church

New Mexico Sky!!

The Placitas Artist Series helped sponsor

 in Placitas, a Hispanic Land Grant hamlet on the NW side of the Sandia Mountains.

The View in the Window

Back in the '70s, besides the church, the plaza and a few houses, it was open space. But in the 'early '80s they started building. Mostly custom homes, the 3,200 sq ft ones are the hovels.

Back in the day, over 35 years ago, when I was living w One El, she characterized Mozart as "sewing machine music." 

I was expecting performers from the opera company or, maybe, if not real performers, apprentices? It turned out to be a guy who's been doing this - he said - for 29 years. And the first time was for The Magic Flute.

He quoted from Wagner and I paraphrase, "This, The Magic Flute, is a timeless piece (he makes it sound as if he's gonna throw a compliment) that will appeal to the suburban Viennese..the hoi polloi."

And so it was. If you heard Bill Cosby's story about the go karts

you'll know the sound:

nnuh, nnnuh, nnuhh, nnnuhh, nuuuuunnhhhhHHHH!

nnuh, nnnuh, nnuhh, nnnuhh, nuuuuunnhhhhHHHH!

The lecturer was great! Funny and knowledgeable, but it was Mozart. I lasted 45 minutes, came home and baked cinnamon rolls to some real music,

We used to get standing room tickets for $10.00 (they're now $25). Then, at intermission, when the old people couldn't stand to sit any longer (tha's a joke...stand to sit any longer...get it?), we'd go out to the parking lot and ask 'em for their tickets. They always seemed pleased to be able to hand 'em off and we'd sit through the remainder, sometimes in choice spots.

Nowadays, and even then, if the performance isn't well-attended, the ushers'll turn a blind eye as the lights go down and you slide into open seats. Cuz iffen you aren't seated by then you have to wait 'til intermission to goto yer seat.

New Ride & Accomodation

Volvo XC60 T8 and Alto trailer.

Link to Safari Condo R (retractable roof) Trailers

They stopped by Saturday, 2.May

We had brunch at Denny's

Danielle of Conscious Crossroads

We first met in the Spring of '24. I was looking for someone to sit w me through a "heroic dose."

Despite her extraordinary story of near death and her near-death-experience, she seemed, at less than 40 years of age, too young.

When i hired Dr. Fatima to sit w me I paid Danielle's fee too. I wanted them to have time together and thought the experience might be useful in future work w Danielle. 

So when, on the 18th, i was hugging the throne and feeling desirous of some hand-holding and realizing hospice was busy, i called Danielle. Though her response came quickly, she was on her way back from Switzerland after accompanying a couple who utilized the Swiss option for self-deliverance to check out together.

Yesterday we spent an hour and a half talking about that trip, navigating the roller-coaster of good and bad days and different ways to approach one's death. 

She described how the roller-coaster actually defines the parameters of quality of life and provides a state of ambivalence that encourages someone to explore how to die.

We scheduled for once a month through July.

New Adventure - Utah

Bittersweet are the memories. This time of year we used to meet in Bluff, Utah to begin our explorations, our expositions, similar to Pooh.

This year she's traveling with Edmond and they're on their way to pick up their new trailer in Durango. They stopped in Bluff for a day of rest and sightseeing.

The east side is Butler Wash and has rolling hummocks of white slick rock; the west is a sheer, 300' face of red rock interspersed w thin layers of white. The "road" is doable from highway 95 SW of Blanding.

If you can find Butler Wash Interpretive Site on MAPS you can see where 95 cuts through the ridge. It's pretty sandy in spots, a bit much for me, but Subaru Foresters and the like made it okay. 

Kristen's blog has some nice pictures and the geology.

https://kristenmendenhall.blogspot.com/2019/11/one-thing-leads-to-another.html?m=1

The Women by ChatGPT

 

Janine & Alan

Janine is Michele Budny's little sister. They're 7 years (?) apart. Janine and I have been excommunicated from One El for reasons too innumerable to enumerate, but we continue to be concerned for her. 

Janine closed down her apartment in D.C. and consolidated into her condo in Cleveland, Ohio (not Tennessee).

She and paramour Alan were in Denver for a wedding and decided to see White Sands. Albuququerque's on the way.

Catzilla t-shirt

By the afternoon I was on an even keel and fetched food from Golden Pride. 

The burrito was okay, but the fried chicken & ribs didn't have the jenny say qwah of repasts of yore. Sigh!

The conversation was fun and afterward i slept from 3 pm - 11 pm when I was awakened by a fecal accident. I miscalculated the amount of laxative needed to offset the constipating affects/effects? of the opiates and when i contracted my stomach muscles to roll over and check the time, there was an expulsion.

There's an elaborate layering for just such occassions and along w frequent pauses to let the nausea subside, it took 2 hours to change the bedding.

Despite the sublingual ondansetron's quik-dissolve, it still takes about an hour or so for it to take effect. One does what one can while waiting. 

My right ear gave out a couple of days ago. I'd been treating it w dexamethasone, a general purpose steroid that's $174.00 for 5milliters.

Reynolds Price mentions it in his tale of woe A Whole New Life as giving him a nice boost from the fatigue and relief from the nausea etc.

When i mentioned it to Jessica she said they prescribe it a lot at the end as it relieves all the symptoms the other drugs are supposed to but don't. Problem is, in about three months steroids cause your bones to become so brittle they break at the drop of a hat. The list of side/effects, many serious, and their qwik onset, mean the-powers-that-be save it for the end. 

But, Jessica said, for those three months a patient's quality of life can (maybe) be improved. She wondered though about a woman who died a couple of days ago. She was bedridden, so aside from the relief of the nausea and breathlessness, she didn't get much else. And they cause "moon face," a self-explanatory affect that makes a person look fat. The worst!!!

Here you've spent your whole life restrictively eating in order to be visually stimulating only to lose it at the end. A bum deal to say the least!

Morning Light

After dealing w yesterday's "entertainments," i'm quick to latch onto the day's early offering. Daytime temps are still cool and nights are still chilly, just like Spring, but the leaves are darkening as if, overnight, we've arrived in Summer.

Harbingers Indeed!! - Infarction

It started around 4 pm and within a half hour I was hugging the bowl. The angina escalated to what felt like a full scale infarction. I was screaming.

I called hospice hoping to get some hand-holding. There's not much to be done unless you're willing to have an i.v. and I'm not. 

There's liquid morphine, oxygen and maybe some aspirin to try and break up any clots...and just ride it out. Yuh either live or yuh don't. 

I lived.

But at 8 pm it's starting to gear up for another.

To the bulwarks, knaves!

I'm taking strong(er) measures this time starting w a full ml (still a small dose) of morphine w a 4mg tab of hydromorphone (dilaudid) capped w 1mg of clonazapam, an anti-anxiety (benzodiazapine) that works synergistically w the opiates to help w shortness of breath and relieve angina. 

Earlier, at the peak, i was ready to check out. But it's by appointment only. As horrible as it is, once I come down (Hey!!! I survived!), I'm focused on having another few hours with no terminal date or time.

This is the next battle...to have the cocktail available to people for when they're ready. This business of having to schedule is bullshit.

Harbingers?

 3:37 am Sat

This is the 3rd "spell" in 24 hours. The one about this time yesterday, then again this evening around 9 pm and now, at 3:30 am. I'm thinking of emailing Dr Hawk (administers the MAID) to ask him to be on alert.

It spirals really fast. I have about 10 minutes from the first twinges until it's full-bore headache, right shoulder & arm start to hurt, pain begins to impair my ability to function. 

We had the syringe loaded w .5ml (of morphine) but i had to go to the kitchen to put in koolaid. Otherwise i throw it up. With the koolaid i can keep it down...at least so dar. 

It's easing off now, but these feel like harbingers.

Flowers Everywhere

A VIDEO even!!!

Banned Books

 

https://docs.house.gov/meetings/GO/GO02/20220407/114616/HHRG-117-GO02-20220407-SD018.pdf

Including four by Patricia Polacco, renowned childrens' book author/illustrator.

The Golden Hour

 

Into Great Silence by Eva Saulitis

From Wiki:

Eva Lucia Saulitis (Latvian: Eva Lūcija Saulītis; May 10, 1963 – January 16, 2016) was an American marine biologist and poet, based in Homer, Alaska. With a career spanning decades, she primarily focused her research on marine life and environmental impacts. Her contributions to and passion for environmental research and conservation can be seen woven into her books and poetry. By blending her love of nature with her artistic ability, her texts have received notable recognition.

The image is a link to Abe Books

(I'm not monetized)

Sixteen hours before the Valdez struck Bligh Reef, fisherwoman Rikki Ott (her website) testified to the Mayor's Oil Action Committee in Valdez argued for more industry oversight and disaster preparation (p. 60). Her Wiki page.

https://dec.alaska.gov/water/water-quality/evos-lingering-oil/

Jenna McClintock, Ballerina

Early exposure to ballet triggered unbridled enthusiasm when I chanced upon Marta Becket's Armagosa Opera House outside Death Valley.

Ms. Becket was 91 in 2016 and I could not get an audience. Jenna was dancing frequently and the experience was magical. Here's a link to my blogpost with some details.

A few days ago randycofer-r3n8i left an appreciative comment on the Youtube video I made of Jenna dancing. It is one of the amazing things about travel...stumbling upon artistry and beauty.

Here she is dancing her original work, Bailar.

Here's a link to a current website about her.

If Only I'd Waited!!!

 

Enough

Lack of greed has continually kept me from making as much as I could've. I've repeatedly sold too soon, when I thought enough was enough. But I admit that it's been hard to watch sums that could've been mine disappear.

Anticipating a surge, I began watching when the pre-market trading began at 2 a.m. I can't trade in the After Market, but I can in the pre-market and I've usually done well. But as I watched the climb from $63 - 66.72, I decided, at 4 a.m., to wait.

The drop had begun from 72.00. When I awoke at 11:30 it was at 67.66. At 67.74, with the day's increase at 19.81%, I sold. The auto pilot bumped me up to 67.75 and I made an additional $0.66. 

I've yet to determine my profit, but it was William J. O'Neil wwho advised selling at the 20% mark.

Tapping the image will, as will the link above, take you to the Amazon site. (i'm not "monetized." It's a good book. Most libraries have a copy. For real-time insight, check out Haley Zhao's LEGS Meetup.)

I recouped the $600 loss when ZEPP plummeted and a few more. Enough.

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