Morning Light

After dealing w yesterday's "entertainments," i'm quick to latch onto the day's early offering. Daytime temps are still cool and nights are still chilly, just like Spring, but the leaves are darkening as if, overnight, we've arrived in Summer.

Harbingers Indeed!!

It started around 4 pm and within a half hour I was hugging the bowl. The angina escalated to what felt like a full scale infarction. I was screaming.

I called hospice hoping to get some hand-holding. There's not much to be done for an infarction unless you're willing to have an i.v. and I'm not. 

There's liquid morphine, oxygen and maybe some aspirin to try and break up any clots...and just ride it out. Yuh either live or yuh don't. 

I lived.

But at 8 pm it's starting to gear up for another.

To the bulwarks, knaves!

I'm taking strong(er) measures this time starting w a full ml (still a small dose) of morphine w a 4mg tab of hydromorphone (dilaudid) capped w 1mg of clonazapam, an anti-anxiety (benzodiazapine) that works synergistically w the opiates to help w shortness of breath and relieve angina. 

Earlier, when at the peak of the throes, i was ready to check out. But it's by appointment only. As horrible as it is, once I come down (Hey!!! I survived!), I'm focused on having another few hours with no terminal date or time.

This is the next battle...to have the cocktail available to people for when they're ready. This business of having to schedule is bullshit.

Harbingers?

 3:37 am Sat

This is the 3rd "spell" in 24 hours. The one about this time yesterday, then again this evening around 9 pm and now, at 3:30 am. I'm thinking of emailing Dr Hawk (administers the MAID) to ask him to be on alert.

It spirals really fast. I have about 10 minutes from the first twinges until it's full-bore headache, right shoulder & arm start to hurt, pain begins to impair my ability to function. 

We had the syringe loaded w .5ml (of morphine) but i had to go to the kitchen to put in koolaid. Otherwise i throw it up. With the koolaid i can keep it down...at least so dar. 

It's easing off now, but these feel like harbingers.

Flowers Everywhere

A VIDEO even!!!

Banned Books

 

https://docs.house.gov/meetings/GO/GO02/20220407/114616/HHRG-117-GO02-20220407-SD018.pdf

Including four by Patricia Polacco, renowned childrens' book author/illustrator.

The Golden Hour

 

Into Great Silence by Eva Saulitis

From Wiki:

Eva Lucia Saulitis (Latvian: Eva Lūcija Saulītis; May 10, 1963 – January 16, 2016) was an American marine biologist and poet, based in Homer, Alaska. With a career spanning decades, she primarily focused her research on marine life and environmental impacts. Her contributions to and passion for environmental research and conservation can be seen woven into her books and poetry. By blending her love of nature with her artistic ability, her texts have received notable recognition.

The image is a link to Abe Books

(I'm not monetized)

Sixteen hours before the Valdez struck Bligh Reef, fisherwoman Rikki Ott (her website) testified to the Mayor's Oil Action Committee in Valdez argued for more industry oversight and disaster preparation (p. 60). Her Wiki page.

https://dec.alaska.gov/water/water-quality/evos-lingering-oil/