My stomach, encroachingly substantializing over the last 20 years, has, this last year, ballooned into a prodiousness that April, my weekly massuese, is convinced is octuplets.
The angina flares as I hobble to the ceramic defecatorium less than 15 feet away. Thank the gods for indoor plumbing! Meds are needed every five hours, augmented with ginger capsules to help stave off the nausea.
Life infuses around 5 pm in time for a baaahth; to assemble dinner or a cake. On a good day I "exercise" as April has encouraged by swinging my legs backward; forward motion being constrained by arthritis in both hips.
Almost completely bedridden, I read and play the stock market. If I'd held QBTS last week I'd be $400.00 richer. But I'm studying William J. O'Neil's method & sold when it dropped below 14% (O'Neil says SELL at 7%). I watched with chagrin as it picked itself up, dusted off and at the end of the week clambered back up leaving me $60.00 poorer.
And last week my cardiologist washed her hands of me. When I asked about further pain management she said when things get bad I should goto the E.R. I called a couple of E.R.s and they said they'd need to use an I.V. to administer anything and since my Advance Directives clearly state NO INVASIVE TECHNIQUES, I'm out of luck.
I recently got a deal on a subscription to the Wall Street Journal, Barron's, Market Watch and Investor's Business Daily -- all for seven bucks a month -- and read with interest of Dr. Kahneman going to Switzerland to "check out."
I'm considering it. My sister lives in Bad Kreuznach, Germany and would, I think, help me navigate. After all, it's obviously time to leave the country.
It's been a while since you were sleeping with Phoebe in the desert with 'the end' appearing or choosing to be imminent. Now you've had a bit more time for archery, art, massage (my fantasies surge at the thought happy endings), musing and cake. The Kahnenan article was assuring of the choice made for the right time, not past the point of choice. You could remove the intravenous condition changing words...edit...to 'nothing intravenous other than pain medication' excluding all other fluids since medical facilities like people to pee a lot. My life has included the last weeks, days and hours of a number of people. It can be fine, or not. You can still read and write and think. That might be enough. The pain is unfortunate but certainly will increase in frequency and duration...and then, that, too could be a 'happy ending' or perhaps you could arrange a 'happy ending' daily until... It's none of my business but good luck.
ReplyDeleteArt! Somehow Blogger messed w the settings so your comment had to be acknowledged as "Not Spam." It's undoubtedly attributable to this new admin in D.C. We've not had as good a scapegoat since Nixon!
DeleteYes, I've managed to put of (fend off) death longer than I imagined possible. However, in addition to the pain in my arm and wrist that comes when I think of an IV, I get tremendous pain in my bladder when I have an IV. The last time I was in the ER, a couple of several years ago, they had to neutralize the pain from the IV with morphine. It was a trip! So, even though it's a great idea, I'm not gonna do it.
I'm still managing a self-induced happy ending about every three weeks or so. My cardiologist has been further annoyed by my non-compliance when I stopped the clopidogrel after learning of its an adverse effect on libido. There're just some things I don't wanna compromise on. That said, timing is essential and having a sub-lingual nitro (or two) nearby is requisite. 🥸
Thiynking back of all your photos of vistas the one that really comes to mind is the nude on the pool table. Ponder that image daily if you cannot arrange or accomplish a 'happy ending' per day.
ReplyDeleteThat is a lovely image, isn't it?
DeleteWe talk almost daily and email several times. It is indeed thoughts of her that fuel my onanistic endeavors.