Thrasher

A distant cousin of the nightingale, they nest in cholla cactus. For the past few years they've shared it with roadrunners. Michelle puts out meal worms for them and there's a bowl of water. 

If she forgets, one or the other will come up to the large living-room window and peer in. There will be skirmishes and clamorings...to draw attention to the oversight.

The thrashers often sing in the mornings and evenings. Their song is more varied than a mockingbird. The mealworms are $100.00 a bag. We've never begrudged them.

Pyrotechnic Arrows

We read childrens' stories to each other before going to bed each night. Ben illustrated one of them. I went to his Youtube channel to see more of his work but he had a Patreon paywall so I just left. Apparently, he got my email as this showed up today. It's perfect for your inner 10-year-old.

Huslia Potlatch & Raven's Witness

I just finished reading Hank Lentfer's memoir of Richard K. Nelson titled Raven's Witness. 

Richard lived for a while in Huslia, a town in Alaska. And lo & behold, here came a video from Angela Gonzalez about their recent potlatch. How's that for cosmic!

Huslia Potlatch Giveaway

Population 291

Richard Nelson was a Michigan lad who loved being outside. Through a series of happenings facilitated by a college professor, he was able to be outside a lot! 

Hank Lentfer, a close friend of Richard, brings him to life in a way rarely seen on the written page. Richard died in 2019 of cancer at age 78.

The link below is to Raven's Witness on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/Ravens-Witness-Alaska-Richard-Nelson/dp/1680513079/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2ZE37IG26KEUH&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.b8W0cFvf1kheCoMr8zQMQ4jGr_UbqmVjm6ZrZEPr18hHwMIPEYiIQUwGkifkq4autB6jmO6SvrUY4bmCS4lAuFKMfnGQBGxwF73R9mcXtuGVtzewFoEgNajrUIOgmBFsn6B1eEJqnBLuwI_0mB5Wj_KGBNB18myRkFU4PLJ8P2sv2pLBdrXoywPfrWlCaLl-a78OgTvmmLBIfTx0sg5UMA.f2L9mIKFk9im1KmUM5n6BpLQ2wfHlv6tvaZtYsThg8s&dib_tag=se&keywords=raven%27s+witness&qid=1754959014&sprefix=raven%27s+wit%2Caps%2C244&sr=8-1

Al Christensen Slipped Away

 

Here's the URL for Al's blog

https://rollingsteeltent.blogspot.com/2025/07/i-talk-to-trees-but-they-dont-listen-to.html?m=1

If you goto the bottom and click on VIEW WEB VERSION (under the blue bar that says HOME), you'll see the list of his other entries on the right.

Generations

 The start of it all.

No Resemblance

Sitting at the dining table, I noticed how I son't look anything like I used to. 

2005 - Age 52

Mornings On the Veranda

The elm has been pruned to shield from the sun. I recently started drinking black tea and bought several: Earl Grey, English Breakfast & Scottish breakfast. What I have is a bit of tea with my Trader Joe's organic half & half and sugar. One 6-ounce cup is enough.

The turtles respond to our presence by hurtling toward us. Michelle has trained them to look for food at the far end. That way everyone, including the ants, are far from the door, though the turtles excellent vision makes them a bit problematic. Inquisitive, they seem only too eager to explore new places.

Full Moon

 The geometric glows are from a light in Dave & Dan's shining through the "decorative" blocks in the back wall.

The light is the night light in the kitchen.

In our younger day, we'd pull a mattress onto the veranda and sleep out. Now, letting the grass grow and several watering bowls for turtles, there're ("there's" for the rest of you) too many mosquitoes. 

The Fool On the Hill

This is my first full-fledged "trip" in over 30 years. 6 grams. I can remember a time when I thought this was something I should do annually.

When, several years ago I began my search for a guide, I  hoped to alleviate my anxiety around dying. As an agnostic I've no concerns about an afterlife, but when I thought about utilizing the option of Medical Aid in Dying (MAID) in order to avoid the excruciating pain of another heart attack, I felt a deep-seated fear that was too strong to transcend.

A lot has changed since I arrived in October of '23. The fear has eased, or, at least has appeared to. Still, I want to examine my motivations. Is consciousness, simply being aware, sufficient reason to continue. What if  a stroke disables me and I cannot take the drugs of MAID? 

It has taken a long time to get on hospice. And the fact that I am entitles me to MAID. But when?

Hopefully, today's journey on psilocybin provided some insight.

The Results

This was the smoothest, most benign trip I've had since 50 years ago in the jungle at Palenque. Liftoff was feather-lite, a gentle ascent into euphoria.

Once there however, it seemed intent on showing me scenarios in which I was helping or leading groups of refugees. Intent on perusing the basis of my anxiety around death, I kept shaking myself out of the altruistic reveries and trying to focus. It was not to be. 

After the first hour I asked for a two capsule booster. Then, every time they, there were two, came to check on me, I was offered two more...which I eagerly accepted....4 times in all for a total of 6 grams. I hadn't realized how starved I was for the experience. And having competent support made cutting in the after-burner feel comfortable.

One of the guides said she found me crying pretty intensively; she slid her hand in mine and I calmed somewhat. I didn't recall the specifics, but the sadness seemed to revolve around our separateness; that no matter how much you tell someone you love them, there's really no way for them to feel it.

After six hours it began to wind down. The guides took their leave and Michelle and I spent a pleasant evening together.

The main benefit, as is usual for psychedelics for me, was a falling away of the societal strictures and a sense of "cohering," as if my parts were, once again, perfectly fitted together.

Photo: Alex Abair from iNaturalist

Psilocybe cubensis

commonly grows on dung

Froggy Went a Courtin'

Sons of the Pioneers

 

Axel & Raymond

(Gammon & Spinach)

She Flew Back

Over the years we talked about going hither & yon always limited by our aversion to flight. Lo & behold she had her nose glued to the window both coming and going. No problem! 

Somewhere West of Albuquerque

I get claustrophobic.

Pre Ceremony Session

Women have been pivotal. And this time is no different. 

Psilocybin became legal in New Mexico three days ago, on the 20th. The bureaucracy still needs to be created but we are proceeding. After more than three years of searching she has, as did all the others, shown up in the nick o'time.

The "ceremony" will be in a couple of weeks.

The Mimosa

Thirty some-odd years old in the shade of a large elm and two substantial cottonwoods. It's blossoms are a deep fuchsia, not the insipid, pale yellows some put out.

El Farolito

 It's open a few hours every now & then. It's in El Rito, a hamlet a few miles from Abiquiu.

Kristen on the left, Rachel, Laura then Ryan, the painting workshop leader, and Diane.

Today was a good day. I got the security cameras configured to the new router and was able to get on the roof and reinstall them.

I got the new - non-prostate-urethra aggravating - bike seat installed on the iron horse. I was only able to ride it about 150 feet but it shifts like a dream. 

I'm hoping I'll have another good day in the not too distant future when I can take it for a longer ride.

Steve, brother-in-law, bought me the bike almost a year ago. My health took a sharp nose-dive and never, until today, came back up. I keep modifying in hopes that I'll be able to use it....someday

How Long Before It's Too Much

When I asked my nurse how people decide when to use the MAID, she said when it gets to be too much; when it gets too hard to breath, or they're in a lot of pain.

The fentanyl patch gets changed every third day. It's a thin film about the size of a nickel. It goes on at a different spot each time. It suppresses most of the pain of the angina. I still take isosorbide dinitrate, PRN. My guess is that someday the combination won't work and the angina'll take over.

Fentanyl causes constipation. I have a choice of several laxatives. The trick is figuring out how much of what to take. So far I'm either on the toilet or thinking about having to get on the toilet.

Combined with the urinary urgency: the feeling that I suddenly have to pee, which arises every 20 minutes or so, I'm kept hopping.

It's discouraging when I don't make it to the pot in time. Sometimes it gets contained in the diaper sometimes it slips out.

I'd hoped the fentanyl would give me more energy but as it is, it's all I can do to get to and from the bathroom.

Maybe it'll change but it's been like this now for two weeks.

Hangnail

Fixing Up Phoebe

It was the minimalist "style" of the Bavarian personnel carriers, the Pinzgauers used at Canyon de Chelly to take tourists into the canyon that I wanted Phoebe to emulate. Any extraneous plastic got stripped off and tossed. It made working on her easier but not very salable. I mean, there just aren't that many Pinzgauer-wannabe enthusiasts looking to buy a '96 Tracker that looks (at least on the inside) sortof like a personnel carrier. 

Lucky Herrmann was checking Craigslist and found a guy in Los Angeles who has recently made himself a business selling Tracker & Samurai parts. And on top of it, he has a friend, also named Mike, in Las Cruces who may help put the pieces back together. (The door latch mechanisms are real booger-bears.)

So, we're on the way to getting Phoebe ready for her next adventure.

NO KINGS

Commemorating.

NEW YORK

State of Things - Apnea & Angina

I have to take my time turning over .... to get to meds ... as turning causes nausea. 

The sleep apnea causes angina so they gave me an oxygen concentrator (oxygenator) with a mask. At some point during the night I took it off - the mask gets sweaty - and with the apnea having full rein, the angina builds. It affects my chest, shoulders and biceps and makes turning over painful.

One might think I'm complaining; certainly that's what it sounds like. But I'm not. I chose this route over the SUPPOSEDLY easier route of $1,000,000.00 open heart bypass surgery. Yes, MEDICARE would've paid 80%. Any fool can see that that leaves you with a debt of over $20,000. 

A year and a half after coming to Albuquerque I still owe $4,000.00 on my Visa for repairs to Phoebe. I hope to pay it off by this October, but my commitment to that means that we do without many other things. (my monthly visit with an escort being of chief concern.)

Actually, I'm really grateful I haven't had to undergo the pain of having my sternum sawed open, my rib cage spread apart by a tool similar to the Jaws of Life, undergone urinary catheterization with a #16 catheter.

Lemme tell yuh 'bout my visit with a urologist about my urinary difficulties; she suggested catheterization. The deal involved a "training" (by a male tech 🤨) on how to insert the catheter. The tech brought a number 16 and showed how to lubricate it and insert it into the opening of my penis. I got it in about an eigth of an inch before the pain made me stop. It took several days to recover from that. My guess is I'd *never* recover from the full monty.

It's at LEAST 6 inches from the tip of my penis to my bladder. The catheter is bendy but all things being relative, it's like threading a worm on a hook. My guess is the leading tip doesn't stay lubed much beyond an inch. This means withdrawing it and re-lubing. Think about it.

Maybe you haven't been to the doctor lately, but I've not gotten the impression they're gonna take the time to withdraw re-lube, reinsert, withdraw, re-lube, reinsert. 

The doctor said the number 16 was what they use -- standard issue. She allowed as how #14s exist (smaller) but they didn't have one.

I looked online and urinary catheters go down to a #8 for children.

Standard protocol disregards the pain induced and any post pain is completely ignored....never mentioned.

Five years after my trans-radial catheterization where they went in through my right wrist to try and stent my arteries the pain is STILL such that I cannot open a jar.

I've made it to the bathroom w/o pooping in my pants. As much as I don't enjoy running to the komode -- sometimes every 20 minutes -- I'm *still* happy with my decision. (I take anti-constipation to counter the side-effects of the fentanyl.)

https://youtu.be/ZbpqW_org3s

This is a pretty good likeness. It's what happens when the only exercise is the hike to the bathroom or the refrigerator. I shave, though. My escorts have said they don't appreciate having a brillo pad between their legs.

Psilocybin Guide

She agrees that LSD has a clarity that psilocybin lacks, but the State of New Mexico's law authorizes the use of psilocybin, not LSD....so there we go.

As a D.O., Doctor of Osteopathy, she played a major role in getting the law passed and is representing the State of New Mexico at the Psychedelic Science Conference (June 16 - 20) in Denver. 

Men & Emotions

 

Office of Gun Violence Prevention

Gone - hours after inauguration.

About Greg Jackson

Interview with Rob Wilcox February, 2025

Tabitha the Intrepid

The park has a lot of dawgs, so we were delighted to see a cat!

Kent Monkman

Has a show of 41monumental works on display at the Denver art Museum through August 17, 2025.

The link is to a gallery of paintings.

https://www.kentmonkman.com/painting-2020-present/#itemId=67fffed7affb2e55385d7a8b

I don't usually care for representational work, but Monkman's so perfectly parodies the Bierstadts, Morans, and Hans Wholebines I had to mention him.

Painting from Monkman's website: gallery of paintings. 

Link to Denver Art Museum exhibit.

But don't get me wrong, as far as I'm concerned, it's trash art. Nicely executed, but one look and you've seen it; nothing subtle; no reason to look again.

Still, I laughed.

I like this one

Study for Our Women Hold the Power

2024
Acrylic on canvas
24" x 62.5"

Christmas Lights

We were late getting the lights up. It was before the 25th but we'd just started enjoying them when everyone else was celebrating Valentine's. Then, the other day, they pooped out. It was tragic! Today, having decided they're too pretty to take down, we put up a fresh strand.

A much nicer porch-light too.

They're on a light-sensor and turn themselves on/off.

A Walk In the Park

They upped the fentanyl patch to 25mcg, still a very low dose, but it boosted my energy enough that I was able to get up. We went to a nearby park where Michelle took commemorative photos.

Age, having its way with me

The Squidges! Still enthralled after 30 some-odd years!

The hospice social worker recommended a massuese who, after her second visit this past Saturday, has worked a miracle; my hips are pain free and today, for the first time in about a year, I was able to walk more than 20 feet. In fact, I estimate today's "hike" at somewhere close to 600' !!!!

We

Talk About Junk Mail

FINAL NOTICE! Prepare to be hauled off by storm-troopers in jackboots.

            IDLE THREATS

                        

A commemorarive coin set! Not collectible, celebrating aspects of freedom. The versa features a raised arm with fist ala Jesse Jackson, Stokely Carmichael. No mention of ecology, climate, population control. $99.00. 

Her Cottonwood

It was October in Jemez Springs when we met. The cottonwoods were changing as we were about to.

They were already iconic for her and over the ensuing years the became even more so as we camped our way though and around New Mexico, Arizona, beloved Utah, Wyoming, Nevada and California. 8 years we traveled together.

Steve Arrives

After his 6-week tour of Australia, New Zealand, Tasmania, Viet Nam, Cambodia and Sri Lanka, he's stopping by to do the things that need doing and that I can no longer do.

Trixie blames Michelle. It's bad enough she has to put up with me.

Steve lives in Denver but travels the world as, he claims, protocol requires of people his age with nothing else to do. 

Deja Foxx - The New Politics

https://dejafoxx.com/

Ms. Foxx's views on "the issues."

https://dejafoxx.com/issues/

Executive Chair

Decades ago when Michelle announced she wanted a new office chair we all thought she'd pick a diminutive secretarial style run-about. 25 years later it's shedding its outer coat but still no rips or tears. And it's as comfy as ever.

Cantaloupe

 

That li'l green sprout.

MAID Came Today

New Mexico's Medical Aid In Dying (MAID) program was the result of years of effort. Over 10 years ago Dr. Gunasegaram, a renowned oncologist at the University of New Mexico Medical Center and I stood on the Court House steps along with several others in support of its implementation. 

After artist Vincent Distasio died from cutting his wrists, his granddaughter testified before the State Legislature about how he was unaffected by morphine. The excruciating pain of his bone cancer drove him to kill himself.

It came in this delightfully macabre black bag.

The presiding physician will open the case and dispense the medication on the day and time I choose. The medication is good until October 5th. The case must be returned.

I wonder who makes the case?

The Penguin Lessons

I rarely go out, but The Penguin Lessons at The Guild Cinema had the right blend of Old Yeller and To Sir With Love.  

The Archer

Some years ago Michelle and her brother Steve made a pilgrimage to the Blue Bunny factory in La Mars, Iowa. I got a cap.

The Release

The Draw

The Stomach

Good Day On The Market

Though I consider myself one of the luckiest in love, I was never able to make any money.

From Trader Joe's 

Lying here hour after hour, day after day, I realized I had all the time in the world to study. I lost $40,000 in the market crash of 2008. I was day-trading and doing okay, not great, but was trading with over $100,000 which, for me, was a significant amount.

The crash left me with a bit of an aversion, but at the start of the year things just looked too good. My curiosity wouldn't leave me alone; I blame the years of associating with cats.

Hoping to get rich, and soon too, I opened a Webull account with $1,500.00. Now, 3 1/2 months later, you can see the bottom line. It's kept me entertained.

Something changed last week. It had a similar feel to when years ago I suddenly realized I was an art dealer. It had taken three years of continuous study including a number of classes at the University in art history and art theory and a tremendous amount of networking and information gathering. But that day I stepped out onto my porch, straightened my tie, shot my cuffs and sauntered off to the gallery knowing I knew what I was doing. Or, at least I had a better idea of it than I'd had before.

A similar change occurred a few days ago with regard to the stock trading. It was subtle and had to do with the feeling that losing no longer felt inexorable. Up until then I'd approached each trade with a sense of dread....almost resignation. Nevermore.

I don't know what to attribute it to. I did stop eating red meat which did seem to reduce the incidence of twinges in my chest, but this is grander...it has to do with my identity. Instead of just being a dying lump on hospice, I'm now a source of income; there's the potential to do good things. I might start a foundation. But the main thing is I now have a sense of optimism; a feeling that things, rather than going down, could go either way. 

Today's trading, or rather "putting on the positions," as it's called, portends some positive results. I'm still in the kiddie pool in terms of numbers of shares. I don't have a lot of money to lose. But what we're looking at here includes the recovery of the $150 lost over the previous two weeks. I'm pleased. And it's only Tuesday; there're three more days of trading.