It started around 4 pm and within a half hour I was hugging the bowl. The angina escalated to what felt like a full scale infarction. I was screaming.
I called hospice hoping to get some hand-holding. There's not much to be done unless you're willing to have an i.v. and I'm not.
There's liquid morphine, oxygen and maybe some aspirin to try and break up any clots...and just ride it out. Yuh either live or yuh don't.
I lived.
But at 8 pm it's starting to gear up for another.
To the bulwarks, knaves!
I'm taking strong(er) measures this time starting w a full ml (still a small dose) of morphine w a 4mg tab of hydromorphone (dilaudid) capped w 1mg of clonazapam, an anti-anxiety (benzodiazapine) that works synergistically w the opiates to help w shortness of breath and relieve angina.
Earlier, at the peak, i was ready to check out. But it's by appointment only. As horrible as it is, once I come down (Hey!!! I survived!), I'm focused on having another few hours with no terminal date or time.
This is the next battle...to have the cocktail available to people for when they're ready. This business of having to schedule is bullshit.
